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piNkY: btaw jud! ayo pa man mga kag kay nagparamdam, heheh, oi, 13th month na, manglaag kuno ta, magnoaks nasad ta, birthday na nako mga animaz! heheh! regards ko sa mga avtoys, ingna si gida kami nalang mag uban ngita ug kiki kay OP mi ninyo, heheh! amping mam!
daveyross: haha! pinky rose! agiv agiv ra jud ang show ni oks ma'am! hehe. it's nice to see your name here. miss you too, girl. hope we could get together again with the rest of the avtoys. hehe.
piNkY: wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Davey!! i found you! heheh! "What ifs" dayon ang show mam? haha, biga biga na diay kay grade 3 paka ha? hehe! mingaw ko nimo, ninjo ni gida! paramdam oi, yaw cge igat igat, kay OP ko, wa baya koy ekal mam!haha! amping dha ha!:P
daveyross: haha. it's warm indeed. haven't felt it's warmth for a long time, though. thanks, Circeris and DR, for helping me keep this page alive.
Circeris: Davey...davey and her orange ray... this page is so warm... I like it only because it's yours
Dark Raivenn: trust DR or Circeris to make comments like vertical sizes etc etc about a website not belonging to them.
Circeris: davy. do extend this tagboard. you can resize its vertical size.
daveyross: circeris deary! haha. i guess we'll be theand i will still be seeing each then. and our souls will be soaked in the rain of filth and excrement but still we'll be cursing each other. that would be a lovely scene.
Circeris: awww, i haven't read your latest before this tag. You sweet sweet cherubim... Let all those damn discriminating people burn in hell themselves.
Circeris: Do post more often davey...
Dark Raivenn: view Raiveris Davey, leave a comment. I made a post for you
daveyross: My dark angel! haaayyy..it's been a long time. We havent talked before I went to manila. no? I may jus be suffering from some sort of hang over or maybe i'm just being my normal self. hehe. about the book.. i'lll try to send it to you by the end of the month. don't be mad at me, ok? mwah.
Dark Raivenn: I havent heard from you lately. *kicks* that is my way of saying I miss you and where is my Zafra book that you have on hostage
daveyross: i'm back now. with a new look. haha. hope you guys like it.
Dark Raivenn: hey CS email me will yah, my inbox misses you *kicks* I dont know where Davey went :(
Circeris: ...stopped writing at halloween...?
Dark Raivenn: I know how, gimme the newest book. Twisted 8 by Jessica Zafra. I'll send you a book in exchange. What do you think?
daveyross: i'll make it up to you. promise.
daveyross: huhu... is it too late? i mean, i'm very thankful that you were born and that a year is added on your age but... i'm just not good at remebering dates. i feel so horrible.
davyross: omg. dark raivenn deary, you don't know how bad i felt when i read this.
Dark Raivenn: not even a happy bday greeting from you waaahh
Dark Raivenn: how come I never see you online on ym?
Dark Raivenn: added you to my ym... Send me a message when you are online or something k
Dark Raivenn: by the way did you watch the video called happiness? the one I posted not the one Circeris posted....what do you think about it?
Dark Raivenn: Counter is there on the top of some rights reserved on Raiveris. You can change how it looks too.
daveyross: marcus! thanks for that. :-)
daveyross: Dark Raivenn!!! i'd really love to chat but i'm afraid your friend here has no sense of time.
Marcus: Almost nothing's always better than nothing at all Mx
Dark Raivenn: Davey!! If you see this right now, that means Im online talking to Mel on yahoo 9:43 pm my time. If you want we can chat on here if you cant access yahoomsgr :)
daveyross: and awesome it is glenn! if you have time, please leave some comments on some entries. it would really be appreciated. i'd be glad to visit yours too.
Glenn: Your blogsite looks awesome, davey baby! It's mich more organized compared to mine. keep it up!
daveyross: hello glenn! good to hear from you. thanks for the comment. i like having this site too. hehe. glad i found home here.
Glenn: Hi Davey Baby! Just hoppin by. Awesome site you got here!
Dark Raivenn: how come you dont reply to comments left on your post. You should How come nobody told me that Rey Carlo went and decided to become a priest?! Nobody tells me anything anymore
Dark Raivenn: well that is what the tagboard is for since i know they block alot of chat messenger at work.
daveyross: dark raivenn! just read ur comment. thank. i know i can count on you. we're both online now i believe. i dnt know how we can chat at my station. but i wish we can. really. :-)
Dark Raivenn: weeee, Raiveris is on your list now. *joins Circeris in leaving bloody footprints across your board*
daveyross: haha! marjeeeeeeeeeee! i guess i also have to call you circeris here, am i right? nice to hear from you deary!!! just trying to create new things here. i'm enjoying it. really.
Circeris: *runs around the place leaving red-blood prints* ..how are u davey.....your cherubim hair.... your voice... your mindless laughters.... I could still remember u pale-faced during our presswork..... and we'll be having it again next week... see you then, hope so.
Circeris: ha! found ur new web journal. it's warm in here.nice. You could stretch this tagboard. (Log in Bravenet. Blog> Under Blog Maintenance Option: manage tagboard> Tagboard height. Set to 400px) will come by again next time.. See u around raiveris too.
daveyross: haha! my dear dark raiven, i wosh i could say i was the one who took that picture but this is just one of the tremplates this site offers. and i love it this. the theme is "autumn"
Dark Raivenn: OMG!!! nice lovely change on here dearie. Is that a port picture I see up on top? Were you the one who took this? Im loving the new look Glad you are having fun decorating the site. Ey im still not on your friends list
daveyross: hey, i just made some changes here. it's fun, really. like it. lol!
Vivianight: Hey Davey, you are most welcome. Cheers!
daveyross: thanks dark raiven! i like this site. i believe i can do a lot of things here. :-). Also my dear vivianight, thanks for welcoming me. it was so nice of you. :-)
Dark Raivenn: found your link at last ;) ehehe. Not bad, all the site needs is a little color and you are all set. Look you even have people on your tagboard just like that :)
Vivianight: Well, welcome to the site then! Have fun and hope you get some good readers and reponses. Cheers

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Tuesday, April 7th 2009

11:27 AM

A Child and a Vulture



I first had a glimpse of this image while in a photography seminar with Roland Icban Jr., two Saturdays ago. It shows a hungry Sudanese child being stalked by a vulture, which, apparently, is waiting for the former to die and be its meal. The story the image tells and the one behind its existence still haunts me.

Kevin Carter won a Pulitzer Prize for this photo in 1993, while in the middle a controversy it gave birth to since it got published. Human Rights activists, in different levels, condemned Carter for taking this picture instead of rescuing the child. A flood of letters were also sent to the The New York Times, where this picture was published, containing questions regarding the fate of the unfortunate little girl, after the photo was taken. Carter was even called the “other predator," a label which, people who knew, claimed to have had a profound effect on the photographer.

About a month after taking home his Pulitzer for this photo, Kevin Carter committed suicide.
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Monday, March 30th 2009

7:01 AM

On The Boyet Fajardo Issue

I don’t watch the news often. Weeks would go by without me deliberately turning on the TV to watch whatever is happening around me. Ignorance is bliss as they say; but, even so, I do not remain in this state. Current issues are often shoved in my head the moment I get inside the office. My co-workers cannot be stopped from talking about whatever they see on TV, or read from the papers. Aside from these unstoppable mouths, there’s Yahoo, the default site on my laptop; so while waiting for Facebook, Multiply, Friendster, or whatever site to pull up, the stalking news is in front of me.

Sometime this week I was struck by a news report showing a video of Boyet Fajardo stripping some Duty Free employees, especially one whose name’s Marvin Fernandez, of their dignity as human beings. On the video, Fajardo was shown as a furious customer whose rage was supposedly caused by the male cashier’s asking of a valid ID, while at a counter, as proof that he is the owner of the credit card he was using to purchase some goods, a procedure which is supposed to be expected from establishments that value the importance of security. Fajardo, made his anger more visible by pointing fingers at the employees calling the cashier ‘bakla’ and one of the managers ‘baboy.’

In an attempt to pacify Fajardo, the manager told the cashier to proceed with swiping the card, never mind the ID, but that didn’t stop livid customer, he said he’ll only be relieved if the cashier agrees either to be slapped or to kneel in front of him. Fernandez, the unfortunate cashier, chose the latter while crying in shame as several people witnessed the price he paid for doing his job.

Now, I’m not going to form opinions about the incident and add to the already long list of derogatory words thrown at the said designer. Countless of blogs have done that already, and I’m not going to be able to describe the wrongness of what he did in a way that wasn’t already done. What I’m concerned about is how some people reacted. And how some of them, in their efforts to show disgust over Fajardo’s behaviour, showed the people who read their comments and hear their opinions, their similarity to the person they abhor, in the process.

“walang hiya kang bakla ka!”

“tama lang yung ginawa ni Mao Tse Tsung at Hitler na ipapatay lahat mga bakla.”

“baboy..dapat kaw ang ipaku sa krus ng pabaliktad ngayong semana..leche ka! Baboy...”

 

“please lang ituloy nyo ang kaso na yan sa hayuf na baklang yan.”

“cno yn c fajardo? sikat ba yan? sikat nga pala dahil pinaluhod nya ang kapwa nya bakla...hahaha....”

may araw ka rin tabatsoy...kang bading ka!”

These were just a few of the comments I read on Youtube and some blog sites. I stopped reading at about the third or fourth page of the comments section since it felt as if I was being slapped a hundred times as every comment page progressed.

I believe—No, there’s no point preaching here but--Aaargh! If we are a people who can leave comments like the ones I quoted, why should we condemn Fajardo? What makes us different from him? If we throw stones at him why, oh why the hell aren’t we throwing some at ourselves?

My head’s aching. I’m going to bed now.

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Sunday, December 28th 2008

5:58 AM

Headache over Suicide

 

Christmas, correct me if I am wrong, together with New Year, is supposed to be the merriest and noisiest season of the year. I believe you would even be excused if you terrorize your neighbourhood by obliterating their eardrums. The irony is that, it is Christmas, indeed; yet, this is the most quiet our room has ever become –this year, at least. Yup, I am left alone. I guess I mentioned this already on the entry I wrote on the 25th of this month; however, make no mistake. I am not asking for sympathy. Truth is, I just want to write something here since I have nothing better to do as of the moment.

But wait.

I re- read what I wrote and it got me into thinking. Figuratively, or, in a way, this room only becomes silent when I am asleep. You see, the moment I wake up it’s almost involuntary for me to pick these two remote controls; one for the TV and the other for the DVD player. These two, for me, go hand in hand since there’s nothing good to watch on TV and of course the DVD player can’t stand on its own. Currently, I’m alternating The Tudors (season one) and Gilmore Girls (season 7.) When the episode gets boring, I turn on my laptop and pull up three sites: The inevitable Friendster, Multiply, and my favourite, YouTube. Apart from these, are random pages. Porn sites are of course not excluded.

When I get tired, I hit the shut down tab and lie down on my bed only to feel guilty at the sight of the dog- eared books scattered on the floor beside my bed. At this time, I’m reading two: Alternately, Sinclair Lewis’ Babbitt, and my old friend, Jessica Zafra’s Twisted 8.  To ease my guilt, I flip a few pages until I get sleepy. I dog ear another page and promise myself to leave more time for reading the day after. But then again, an old saying goes: promises are made to be broken.

TV with a DVD player, the internet, and books; with these things around, apart from the entertainment I get, at the end of the day, I get a headache. As if the information they give; the characters; the stories, and everything else coming from them are meeting each other like buses, taxis and jeep (jeeps? Jeepney?), all in a halt due to heavy traffic in the little city which is my brain. With headache being the last experience in the day, my three inanimate companions have successfully made the idea of silence distant and gave me a touch of Christmas instead of Good Friday.

It’s been a fun Christmas. Next stop: New Year.

 

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Friday, December 26th 2008

12:37 AM

Photoshoot with Coco Lee

It was a day with fair weather. It was my day- off and I had nothing better to do so I told my visiting friend, Coco Lee, to do something crazy on my face, you know, like make me even more beautiful. He got pressured a little bit since he was afraid he'd be booted out of the room where he is currently staying if he disappoints me. He didn't. Here are some of the pictures taken on that day (photography and make-up by Coco Lee.)

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Thursday, December 25th 2008

2:38 AM

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I am alone this Christmas. Contrary to what impression one may have, I am not sad. ‘Though, it would’ve been nicer if people were here to create a more cheerful and Christmas-y atmosphere. There’s no chicken or turkey in the oven, and I doubt if we even have an oven; but, much as I admire Sylvia Plath’s works, I am far from lured to try how she designed her way out of the earth. Suicide rate goes high during this season but people of the Philippines; I’m not going to be a part of that statistic. Whether or not you’re happy with that, is the least of my concerns.

 

Merry Christmas.

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Saturday, November 22nd 2008

7:44 AM

For A Boy

For A Boy

 

His name was Thomas. And I just found that out a couple of days after I noticed I’m not seeing him anymore. Early in our shift today, on my station’s pc, I pulled up some stored files to see if someone with his name still exists in our company.  I entered his first name, his last, both and it gave me the same information: that a person named Thomas (last name deleted) works somewhere on this planet, just not in this country. Then it dawned on me. He doesn’t work in our office anymore.  Another man got away, and I am left with so many what ifs, again.

Back in 3rd grade, I first fell in love with a boy. I have to italicize the term since I believed in it, then. God, I even believed in fairies. Not that I am one, but, at that time I actually thought one day I’d wake up and turn into a girl. I imagined, when that happens I‘ll run to Alfie and tell him how I felt for him no matter how embarrassing it would’ve been. That day didn’t happen, of course and I’ve given up on hoping it would still come.

Alfie. That was that boy’s name, the most probable reason why the song of the same title means so much to me. He never really knew me. In his eyes, then, I was just another kid from another section who he’d smile at, once in a while, not out of any particular interest but of politeness.

A year after that, I lost him. I didn’t see him, anymore. I remember being so excited to go to school on the first day of my 4th grade, hoping to see him somewhere in a group of kids he usually played with, a year before. I didn’t find him. And I didn’t have the courage to ask anyone from his classmates where he was, I mean, who would, in my situation? I couldn’t even admit I was gay then. I found out that his family transferred to Manila and that they were to stay there for good. I was devastated. Imagine a nine- year old sexually confused kid feeling devastated with no one around to share his agony to.

Then, a year after that I went to the same school. On the first day of classes, I still hoped he’d be there but he wasn’t. For years he has been the subject of my longings. For years, I looked at the sky every two o’clock in the afternoon just to recreate his image. Just to make sure I remember every detail of his face and talk to him as though his image responds. And I made sure nobody saw me or else they’d think... I don’t even know if i can imagine what they would’ve thought of me.

Now it’s happening again. And I don’t like it. Well, somehow, I do but it’s painful. Although you grow and become stronger because of it, you’d sometimes wish it wasn’t there. You’d sometimes wish you can take away every experience in life you’ve had that caused you pain. Sometimes. You only wish for it sometimes because you know it cannot be granted.  Pain is part of life. Instead of letting it tear you down, might as well use it to create beautiful things; thus, the birth of authentic art and artists. I’d have to say losing Alfie made me an artist. He made me compose and sing songs. He made me love music enough to believe I’d not last on this earth this long without it. And I would never listen to Linda Ronstadt’s You Go to My Head and, Dionne Warwick’s Alfie the same way had I not met and lost this boy.

Fifteen years after I met Alfie, came Thomas. Now that I’m 24, I find it odd that I’m back in the same situation and am tortured by the same feeling. Here’s this guy again. We never talked; we didn’t have common friends; I never even knew his name. I just looked at him, often from afar. Never made a move to let him notice me. Never did because I know it’s futile to do so, even if deep inside I’m hoping to still have a chance of having him look at my direction and feel the same way as I do towards him. I was in love with him in my 3rd grade sense of the word, at least. But he’s gone, now. It’s time to start composing songs and writing poems about him. It’s time.

Thomas’ leaving left me with the what ifs that haunted me for years after I lost Alfie. I must have loved the pain it caused me so much to let this happen again.

 

 

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Friday, September 12th 2008

9:08 PM

The Dish Called Yellow Towel

I left this space again for quite along time. But actually, I'm writing this only because I was forced to. I needed some distraction. And, right now I'm letting myself drown in Heatwave's classic "All You Do is Dial." I don't assume you to be familiar with this song or band. I wrote it here thinking that there might be a possibility of someone getting interested in Google-ing or Youtube-ing it. I've made the volume louder  than what my ear needs so I wouldn't hear sounds from the T.V. which my roommate, Gida is so unwilling to turn off even if asked him desperately to not let me see or hear anything from the 5th season of Gilmore Girls since I'm still on the 3rd one. He mocks me time and again, by letting me hear him cackle after every witty line which is what I've loved about that series since College, when it was still shown on Studio 23.

Hah. Let me breathe a second.

And now I'm glad to see I've written something. I was afraid to find out I've lost my ability to translate my thoughts into writing. I haven't made a decent one since I had my "Auntie" issue. Speaking of her, I still imagine myself yelling at her with all the cuss words invented in the dictionary and on the streets in many different languages, with her perpetually listening to me as if she was one who’s born without a mouth. That scene will just remain an imagination because, knowing her personality, she wouldn't just look at me and listen. She’ll never hear what I’ll say. Her brain will be busy processing thoughts and making sure she follow the rules of logic (I’m still not sure if she can do this but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt), and by the time she's finished, it will not matter whether or not I’m done with my litany of-- damn her! She always finds a way into my imagination.

It's cold inside our room. Even so, I’m still able to move my fingers for typing. I only have a yellow towel on me which smells as if (as if?) it hasn't been washed for ages. We’ve entered the world of too much information, so what? I’m shivering; I’m not sure if I’m being coherent; and Heatwave's "All You Do is Dial" is still on my head. Again. you can Google or Youtube it if you want. It's good music, I tell you.

Gida’s laughing again and I can hear him even if I have this headset on. If he keeps on doing that I'd risk being naked and freezing just to shove this dirty towel down his throat.

I changed the music. Now, I’m listening to Cathy Dennis’ “Moments of Love” and I so love this song. It’s one of the best I’ve ever heard created recently, by recently I mean from the 1990’s onwards. There’s so much soul on this song, and so much beauty. Every time I listen to it, the sound of Cathy combined with the violin and –ah I don’t know what the others are, all I know is that I could listen to this song all day.

Cathy’s “Moments of Love”. I’ve considered this song special the moment I heard it on Joey Radio. This used to be my favourite station, I don’t know what happened to it and crappy songs ate up the good ones. By the way it was summer of 2006 when I first heard and took notice of this song. It was when I first came to Cebu to try my luck as Call Centre Agent. I lived in a room with nothing but empty wooden double- decks with no foam, then. The only things i had were the ones I brought with me: Three pars of jeans and some polo shirts and that radio in the form of miniature pc made of plastic. That miniature pc thingy was my only companion. From it, I heard this song and I loved it instantly. Heard it at about two in the afternoon, which is what I consider the most sentimental part of the day, I don’t know why.

I’m hearing that laugh again. I wonder if he’s tasted this mouth-watering dish called “Yellow Towel.”

 

 

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Tuesday, July 22nd 2008

9:35 PM

My Days at the Hospital (June 1- 4, 2008)

I wanted to post pictures again, here. Couldn't think of any significant event lately other than this. This happened a month ago, when I was hospitalized. I and my friends had a fun in that, otherwise, depressing room. I bet a lot people died there and a lot cried. It's nice to think we smiled a lot when we were there.

smile, 'though you're tummy's aching

That's me smiling with dextrose and all.

With my friends, Dandie (on my right) and Gida (on my left)

DSC04829.JPG

Smile, though you're body's aching.

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Tuesday, July 22nd 2008

9:21 PM

Read This, Slumber Fairy, Please.

I couldn't sleep. Earlier, I closed my eyes and and tried hard to feel unconscious, hoping the slumber fairy would come and make me rest. By rest I mean sleeping, not dying of course. The latter would be difficult since my soul knows I had'nt tasted all the good things yet. He knows it's too early for me to die. Too early since, there are still so many places I wish to go, both real and imaginary; so many things to learn; so many stories to hear and tell and live; so many food and...uhm... men to taste; so many things real, imaginary, heavenly or worldly to touch and feel. So many things.

If I could only sleep. Come lovely fairy, make me sleep.


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Wednesday, May 21st 2008

10:27 PM

For My Aunt

"condemn the priest that made you mad and hurt your feelings so much dave, but not the entire catholic church in general....
you don't believe in God anymore?
whom do you believed at! you sound like you've become an atheist now...shame on you! if you're writing it to impress people or just for the heck of it, then, it ain't funny...and obviously not very nice to think about...freedom of expression is good but condemning the church as well as GOD is a mortal sin...come to think of it. "ang gaba raba dili magsaba"....i enjoyed reading your blogs all the time except this one...please dont write stuff like this again. thats scares me."

 

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