The other day, I went malling with my friends, Cristy and Melanie to just stroll and, I guess, maybe, buy things we'd later on realize we do not need. The three of us had just at most an hour of sleep since our shift ended at 7:30 am that day and we had to be at our chosen restaurant for a farewell lunch wih our old team by 11:00 am (just for you to understand this better, we just had our re-shuffling. and we started meeting with our new teams and team leads early this month.) we had fun 'though i could have sworn we looked like daytime zombies. Pretty ones, of course.

So we were there at SM. We went to every part of it we thought would offer us tempting things to buy. Most of the places we went to bored me to death since most of them were in women's department (yes, i'm gay but i'm not a woman nor a transvestite so yes, the women's department part of the mall bores me.) And there went my two girl friends looking for shoes and some blouses. They messed up the arrangements which gave the sales ladies something to do and relieve them of boredom and then we left without buying anything. What we did was not illegal, was it?

As expected, we got bored and our toes and knees ached. I even remember diagnosing myself of rheumathitis. which is not impossible since I was never one of those who checks the contents before he swallows the things that are on his plate. Going back to the part where we got bored, during this appalling state, something happened which made me feel that there are still a lot of things science needs to uncover. things the young, old, yet unborn scientists need to burn their midnight oils for. one of them would be the explanation to this which I call (for lack of better words) coincidence.

A special case of coincidence happened when out of the blue or pink or lavender or whatever, Cristy asked me if I've ever been in love (I know what you're thinking. that this is gonna be mushy. Please don't stop reading yet, I promise I'll try my best not to make you puke.) So there, that was the question. The initial reaction Cristy got from me was a look that, translated into words woulds say: That's the most ridiculous quesion I've ever heard in my life. But then she responded with a look that said: Okay, I'm being ridiculous, probably because I'm bored but I need an answer to it to...uhm...save the world from destruction. The world destruction thingie, i don't know where that came from.

I remember being made to ponder for a few seconds after that. But we were inside the freakin' mall and it was not a place for me to initiate a discussion about a subject I feel deeply about. I did not want to get serious because when I do, I tend to ruin everything. A simple question which can just be answered by yes or no can turn into a long, ponderous, and long pseudo-philosophical discussion. When this happens, my companions may lose their boredom but may also lose their appetite for fun and would result to them throwing me some "non-ridiculous" questions just to make me digress and that would not be easy. So after a few seconds, I finally verbalized my thoughts.

"Love, I don't even know what that is,"

 to which, Cristy replied ", Don't give me that crap," 

"I mean i am attracted to a lot of guys. I had a lot of guys i thought i fell "in love" with before but always later on, they fade and i realize that it isn't love after all"

"Why do you say so, how do you know it wasn't if you don't know what it is?"

"Because they all faded. And I never even got to know most of them deeply so how can you love someone you dont know. a lot of times, we hear from people who share even unsolicited advices that when we love someone we have to accept their weaknesses as well as their strengths. but how can you do that when you don't even know what those are? Therefore no, i didn't love those guys. I just liked them because they were yummy and... i don't know."

"You're over-thinking it, Davey. I just wanted to know if you have experienced loving someone. a guy who you like being with, maybe, and makes you happy."

"No, I havent" I just answered to stop it. The truth is I beieve have experienced it, loving someone. Someone who makes you feel happy when you see him. Someone you want so much but, in my situaton, it hurts because I know I can only love him from afar. We can only exchange glances and casual signs of recognition and all that jazz which makes me, i don't know, use an invisible wall just to distance myself from every man I meet, that I would not end up wanting them and making them a cause for me to feel pain thus making them the subject of my illusion and writings of which what you're reading now is an example.

Just a few seconds after I said "No," this guy appeared. I'm not comfortable writing his name here so let's call him Ely. He, who I so wanted to be with in college appeared right in front of us. But he didnt see us. The moment this happened I confessed to Cristy that I lied. That I might have felt love before. And it doesn't matter whether or not it was reciprocated or  shown it but I'm sure what I felt was love as described by the poets. That's why I call it "loving" (I'm about to finish. Just hold your breath.)

I didnt even have the courage to say "Hi" to him. I was in shock then and both of my comapnions noticed it. Melanie even noticed that my hands were a little cold.

This is exhausting me. I'd like to go back to the reason why I talked about this incident. It's because of coincidence, I hope you still remember it. And the reason why I think science needs to be able to explain this is because, maybe, I want that moment to mean something. That it happened for a reason. That what happended was a traditional novel where everything is included in the story for a reason as opposed to the ones that belong to the Stream of Consciousness category.

My head is aching now. It looks unfinished but I'll see if I can do something about it some other day.