I can't think of a better title as of the moment so anyone who has violent reactions against the one i chose needs to just calm down, take a deep breath and think of roses and sunshine. or else drop dead.

i have a full tummy right now. just finished wolfing a slice of pizza and i feel strange. for weeks i've grown accustomed to not eating lunch. my tummy got immuned to not having anything to grind during this time of the day other than some insoluble particles from our free coffee. if you ask why i starve myself, i have two answers. i have a first and second answer which are non-interchangeable. first, i believe i have to lose weight. call me stupid, vain, or a victim of the manipulative and influential media but i'm beginning to hate the me i see in those pictures. i hate those fats that are on my face and i hate it when i couldn't wear all the clothes that i have in my closet anymore. that was the first reason. the second is that i'm short of cash. yes, i'm broke as hell right now.

i am 23 years old. i earn more money than the combined earnings of my parents every month and yet i still end up struggling to make ends meet. i am one of those who become rich for one day and destitutes for the rest of the fourteen days. my best friend, Dandie, the exact opposite of me in terms of managing finances always tells me i spend money as if the world ends tomorrow. he feels i should be more like him. the type who would almost die first before spending some money. one who maximizes every opportunity to to save. i couldn't be like that. i love my best friend but i couldnt stand this part of him that's why i'm often broke but not necessarily unhappy.

i work nine stressful hours a day. although i just sit on a very comforting chair in an airconditioned room (it's a big room we call "floor"), listening to other people's rantings and ways of testing your patience is equivalent to having someone repeatedly beating you to death with a baseball bat. only that you don't die. you go on living. and screaming your heart out is the only way you feel relieved for a fraction of a second. sounds like hell doesn't it? the reason why i'm saying this is that, what is the point of working? isnt it to earn money which you can spend for you to be able to live? and by living i mean not only breathing and being able to eat three times a day and paying rent, it's also buying things you like. buying things that would make you happy. going to places that would fascinate you. things which can make you say "i lived." i dont want to grow old and have no remembrance of my youth. a word our elders often associate to adventure and stupidity (as they were never young.) every person needs to have both at this point of his life because these are the two things he'd need to lose as he gets older.

my tummy is full. it surely feels good to have something on your stomach during lunchtime. but, nah, i'd still continue this soft torture i inflict on myself. i can live with it. i am young and i'm just being stupid.